I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
