dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
