all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
