My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
