Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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