ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
