i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
