I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
