between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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