i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
