he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
