she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
