I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
