Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
