haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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