there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
