shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
