I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
