I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
