Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
