Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I have demons in me.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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