Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
