4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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