Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
