If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
