I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My penis needs a shock collar
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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