Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
