He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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