I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
