i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
