Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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