so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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