i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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