i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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