So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
