and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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