apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
there is puke in my bra ... again
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
