If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
