I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
