Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
