I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
