I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
