I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
