the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
