Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Houston, we have a squirter
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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