i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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