Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
