i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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