Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
