he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Someone shattered a urinal.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
